|
|
My kind of coffee
I'm simply not into this whole fancy-shmancy coffee thing. I don't mind sitting at a coffee house and hearing some relaxing music or playing a game of chess. But on the rare occasion I'm in a coffee house, I'll take the ordinary coffee.
It's fitting. I'm a pretty ordinary guy. Some folks are extraordinary, but I'm super-ordinary. I've taken ordinary to new, average heights.
I don't want hazelnut in my coffee. No caramel. No chocolate. No raspberry. No squid eyeballs. Coffees these days are sounding an awful lot like milkshakes. The only decision I want to make when I order coffee is regular or decaf. And for a caffeine addict such as myself, that's no decision at all.
But there's another reason you're more likely to see me drinking coffee at a Waffle House or a mom-and-pop joint rather than at Starbucks or a gourmet coffee shop. Folks at the latter places never call me "darlin' " when they hand me coffee. In fact, when I tell them I want "plain ol' ordinary coffee," they kind of snarl. I'm scared I'm gonna get kicked out.
I should make one thing perfectly clear: If you're a male waiter, there's no need to call me "darlin' ". I'm not into Brokeback Breakfast. I don't like guys waiting on me, period. You can call it sexist or be offended if you want. I'm not changing my preferences to please you. I just prefer to be waited on by women.
And if you're a waitress, I expect some "darlin' " with my coffee. Of course, you don't have to call me "darlin' ". You can call me "sugar" or "sweetie" or "honey." I'm even OK with "sugar darlin' " on some occasions.
I took to drinking coffee again recently after I gave up Diet Dr Peppers -- and, yes, I know coffee's got caffeine, too. But I gave up Diet Dr Peppers because they were costing me 65 cents a pop. Waitresses who call you "darlin' " will refill your coffee cup for free. (And, yes, co-workers, I've indeed fallen off the wagon with Diet Dr Pepper, too, but there's no sense in ratting me out.)
Lately I've actually had more coffee at night than in the morning. After all, my breakfast is generally a handful of generic Fruity Pebbles on the way out the door. It's hard to throw a handful of coffee into your mouth on the way out the door.
So, I've been concluding many of my meals at the barbecue joint down the street with a cup of coffee or two or three. Although, I don't think any of those waitresses call me "darlin' ". They think my name is "That Guy From The Paper Again."
But, to each his own. If you're into freaky, $4 coffee, more power to you. You also probably drive while talking on your cell phone and never use coupons.
You can have your orange, mocha, hazelnut, creamy, squid eyeball latte if you want. But if the lady handing it to you doesn't call you "darlin' " and there's no Haggard on the jukebox, well it just ain't coffee to me.
|
|
